Saturday, August 1, 2015

"Things Go Better With Koch" announces GOP

Not a real Press Release ... or is it? 

For Immediate Release:
Wichita, Kansas - August 1, 2015 - Koch Fertilizer LLC, a division of Koch Industries is a market leading provider of well, you know has completed its acquisition of the Republican Party (GOP).

With this acquisition Koch Fertilizer strengthens its leadership position as a global provider that delivers powerful and effective excrement to the rapidly growing market of working poor and poor in America and around the world. This will also streamline accounting operations -no longer will Koch Industries need to funnel massive amounts of funding through nefarious front-groups in order to buy members of Congress or State and Local government. 

"We think this will provide an excellent opportunity to gain access to all of the funds in the social security system while completely eliminating pesky labor unions." said a Koch spokesperson.

Post-closing -Koch will control the U.S. House of Representatives, State Legislatures in Kansas, Wisconsin, Texas, Florida, Ohio, Arizona and the deep South.

About Koch
Koch Industries are a world leader in subversion of democracy, destroying the environment, obfuscation of climate change to delay critically-needed action and own more elected officials and candidates than any competitor. They are also widely recognized as instrumental in continuing Ronald Reagan’s work with regard to the evisceration of labor unions.

About the Republican Party(GOP)
The GOP is recognized as a leader in implementing policy that has allowed the consolidation of wealth and power to the obscenely wealthy through lower tax rates, the work to eliminate capital gains and estate taxes and the preferential treatment of trillions of dollars shifted to offshore banks by their donors. They have been instrumental in limiting women’s rights, invading the wrong countries, destroying the public education system and making higher education unaffordable. They have also helped eliminate American jobs by creating incentives to shift them overseas; are working to keep women, our elderly and people of color from voting; continue to obstruct efforts to address climate change; advocate for discrimination based upon not being a christian white male; work closely with the NRA to ensure that even (white) people with severe mental health issues can be heavily armed and pass laws such as “Stand Your Ground” allowing white people to shoot people of color because of a hoodie.

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